She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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