she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think I am morally bankrupt
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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