i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Boobs are out for the taking
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
