Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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