Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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