i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
