Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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