this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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