We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I accidentally had phone sex last night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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