just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
