RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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