so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
