Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
