you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
