1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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