I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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