I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize