I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I AM VODKA MAN
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
