i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
