I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
