our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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