I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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