Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
a search helicopter?!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
