I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
