So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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