You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
