ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
