I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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