I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
