Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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