My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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