i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
