she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
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So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize