sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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