the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
