i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
