they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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