I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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