Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
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You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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