Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
