yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
