yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
