ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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