Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
