Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
