There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
