We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
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So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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