Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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