oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
