Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
