Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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