In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
