haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
