i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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