Who wears a wallet chain?!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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