I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
