your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
