I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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