So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
