I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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