y did u give ur computer a hand job?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
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Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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