but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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