yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
