Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
