Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A+ Viking dick
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
