its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
