After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
