I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
