i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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