Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize