the condom got lost in my hair
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
