operation have a gay friend backfired
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
