Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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