Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
